Parents have long used negative adjectives in describing their teenaged children’s behaviour. Such descriptive include “stubborn”, “rowdy”, “unmanageable”, and “disrespectful”. But did you know that many of these unsavoury behaviours could have been curved if you – the parent – established open communication lines with your teens and became good role models for them?
First of all, you want your teenagers to respect you. But how can they do that if you refuse to listen to them and, instead, keep on working or reading the newspaper? Ignoring them is being disrespectful toward their worries and feelings.
Secondly, don’t flippantly dismiss your teen’s problems by saying “You can handle that on your own” or “You don’t need my help.” Remember that they are asking for advice because they need your expertise as an “adult”.
Thirdly, constantly criticizing your teenagers is not only disrespectful, it is also very hurtful. You drive daggers through your son’s and/or daughter’s hearts whenever you tell them “You are weak” or “Why can’t you be more like your brother and/or sister?”
By ignoring, dismissing and criticizing your teen’s concerns, you push them into finding solutions from questionable peers or to find relief from the stresses imposed by these problems through overeating, playing violent video games, smoking, alcohol drinking, or even drugs.
Other mistakes that you should avoid making with your teenager is spoiling them or being too overprotective of them. Giving them that expensive new cellphone, IPod, IPad or laptop is not the way to earn their respect. Neither should you impose your will upon them by demanding that they should do everything you say.
As the parent, you should impose discipline and certain rules upon your teens, but not to the point that you prevent them from making their own decisions. Establish communication lines by encouraging your teenager to talk to you if they have any problems. Always put down whatever it is you are doing and listen to them very carefully. Guide them through possible solutions or offer advice based on your own experiences. Do not judge them if they made the wrong decision. Instead, advise them on how they can rectify their mistakes and avoid making them all over again. Never criticize them whenever they do the wrong thing. Acknowledge good decisions and praise any achievements they have made.
If your teen has acquired any bad habits, don’t condemn them. Chances are you are equally responsible for their turning to cigarettes, alcohol and drugs because you did not provide them the support that they needed.
Perhaps the most important advice of all is to show your teenager that you love them. Always be there for them whenever they have problems. Reassure them that all problems have solutions as long as you stick together as a family. Showing your love for your teenager is the best way of demonstrating how much your respect them as an individual and as a soon-to-be adult.
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