Scolding Without Shouting

There’s a question of concern from a husband and wife about their 3 year old daughter who constantly is trying to get her own way ,no matter what. They try to talk to her at a level that she understands, but she turns and regresses into a baby-like attitude when scolded about her behavior. Is there a way to discipline without reverting to shouting?

I try and blog about my personal experiences too as a parent and at the same time look for other mother and fathers’ experience too regarding the same topic.

As of this writing my 4 year old son is getting scold at a number of times a day. I know it’s normal for a healthy child to be naughty. I feel bad every time I raise my voice to him.

Shouting, humiliation (you’re a bad girl) and spanking don’t teach anything but fear and shame. Try finding opportunities on a daily basis for legitimate praise of her behavior. Don’t call her a good girl for doing something you like anymore than calling her a bad girl for something you don’t like. Comment on her behavior or accomplishment, e.g., “I really appreciated how nicely you picked up your toys. What a big help that was.” Think about the ratio of praising to scolding; change it so it’s always heavily weighted in favor of praising.

You can also offer her choices of behavior that are all acceptable to you but seem to offer her some power in choosing, e.g., “You can stop doing X (a negative behavior) now and we can play Y, or you can talk like a baby until you’re ready to tell me you want to be three again and play Z.” Sometimes just breaking the rhythm of what isn’t working ushers in a chance for both parents and child to create a new, better way of communicating.

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