Smitten with jealousy, they sulk, sabotage, scream or solicit more attention by hitting their siblings, breaking toys, throwing tantrums and so on. Justified or not, your child’s jealousy can tear your heart out. Interpret their jealous behaviour as a teachable moment by giving her both attention she needs and the opportunity to be helpful.

How to Prevent the Jealousy?

1. Keep your child INVOLVED her can put the wind back into her sails.
   While you’re changing the baby, for example, enlist your child’s help by asking her to get a new diaper, hold the lotion, or entertain the baby. If your preschooler becomes jealous while you’re hugging your baby, a bigger hug to include her can put the wind back into her sails.
2. PRAISE Sharing
   When your child accepts your attention being directed elsewhere, point out her willingness to share by saying, That was so nice of you to share me with the baby. Thanks for being so generous.”
3. Help your Child feel SPECIAL
   To keep the green-eyed monster at bay, allow an older sibling to help open the baby’s gift and show them to the baby. Encouraging friends and relatives to bring gifts for both children keeps the older child feeling special.

How to Solve Jealousy?

1. Show EMPATHY
   When jealous flares, tell your child you understand how she feels by saying, “ I know you don’t like it when I have to take care of the baby, but I think you can handle it. After you play with your building blocks until I’m through, then I’ll play with you.
2. Provide alternative ACTIVITIES
   Understand that your child gets jealous because she feels left-out when you and your spouse want some time together. Give your child something constructive to do until you’re ready to give her the undivided attention. Say, “Daddy and I want to talk for a while. You can play your toys until the timer rings. Then you can talk to me if you want.”
3. Monitor your TIME
   To a child, love is spelled T-I-M-E. Consider how much time you spend your child reading stories, answering questions, sharing meals, playing games and so on. When your child feels secure in love, her jealousy meter stays low because she knows she’s your number one priority. Tell her “ I love you” many times each day. Strengthen your bond with each of your children by making special play dates for just the two of you so each child feels valued and important.
4. Turn jealousy into HELPFULNESS
   A younger child wants her world to exist for her alone, but she also wants to be independent. She needs to learn that independence comes at a price: She has to give up having her parents’ undivided attention to gain a sense of control and self-determination. By teaching toddlers and preschoolers to be helpful toward siblings and others when feeling left-out and jealous, you’re helping them turn negative behaviour into something positive and praiseworthy. Say, “ I know you want me to play with you now, but first I have to take your brother to basketball practice. Come help me put the oranges in the bag so the boys will have the treat. You can have one, too.”

DONT’s:

1. DON”T COMPARE your child to siblings or others
- Saying, “ I wish you could be as helpful as your little brother,” or, “ Why can’t you be as sweet as your big sister?” only tells your child that she’s not being lovable as other family members, which is a sure-fire way to stir up the green-eyed monster.
2. DON’T PUNISH
- When your child gets out of the sorts because she wants your undivided attention, punishing her for being upset will only increase her sense of alienation. Instead, show her how she can better cope with not getting the attention she wants when she wants it. Say, “ I’m sorry you’re so upset because I can’t play right now. Let’s make a deal. I’ll play with your baby sister for a while, and when the timer rings, I’ll read your book to you. Next time, we’ll switch and you can go first.

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